Look out for Captain Birdseye and his haddock. š¤£š¤£
I'm a bit concerned actually. Apparently the ship has staff shortages and they've had to hire new people at short notice. The've hired Sally Jacks who is doing her Jane McDonald tribute act in the theatre, doing fashion shows with a woman called Genevive and in poor weather will be the foghorn.
The entertainments manager will be Paul Berk, organising fun activities and keeping morale up with his zany personality and famous 'whoop whoop' catchphrase.
Someone called Mike 'Cockney Geezer' Mason will be presenting his sophisticated Rat Pack tribute show, singing all 3 voices at the same time cos he feels the music unlike us plebs who just hear it. He will also be working in the bar, giving us laydeez a demo of his cocktail making expertise.
The real star will be the 97 year old nearly living legend Peter 'Pedro' Simon. He will be entertaining us about his illustrious career and he many celeb he counts as personal friends. Speaking about his days as agent for Sooty and Sweep, we may hear about the wild showbiz parties where Basil Brush got a bit merry one night on sweet sherry and tried to proposition Emu (that ended badly...). Sadly he can't tell his story about The Clangers as there is still an injunction preventing it from being told.
Apparently they've hired a new catering crew, no details yet but they've bought a job lot of air fryers from a well loved shopping channel. And they assure us that the fire extinguishers work well.
They've got someone called Charlie who will write our 5 star reviews for us, that will save some time. And also a chap called Torchy telling bedtime stories in a boring voice making sure we fall asleep within 10 minutes.
I'm assured that these people are all mega celebs in the UK and that we can have a photo with them for Ā£500š¤.
Actually, I think I'll go to Southend for a week instead!