Just for fun, if Bid Shopping sold 'x' they would sell it like this

[PJ.]

Come on people just for fun make up the spiel for an everyday item and how Bid would sell it. Let me kick things off with this.



A Pencil.


When we talk a out rarity nothing comes even close to the rarity of graphite. Encased in the highest quality wood, finished off with a hand painted yellow and black paint stripes this is the perfect item to write things with. Make a mistake? Don't think you have to throw away the paper. Because included for free with this exquisite pencil is a rubber to correct any mistakes. Fashioned from only the AAAAA rubber tree it will help out time after time. The graphite has been hand sharpened to make sure it is the sharpest of points.


Over to you guys .... PJ

 

[steveh31]

Well if you have bought the previous item the pencil then you will need this to go with it a rare and... let me be honest with you because I am always honest this is spectacular it is without doubt the buy of the year.... it is the most beautiful elegant piece we have sold this year and to be honest it is so rare you might want to start dialling now because it is going for a steal.

I mean the price will be unbelievable so what is it well it is the item that everyone wants and they will talk about it at your dinner parties and your disco dances next week you will be the talk of the town.

It is without doubt a spectacular piece it is the item your Beyonces your Snoop Dogg's your Lady Gaga all have I even believe Victoria Beckham owns one so what is it well let me show you.... here it is so rare we only have 3500 of them in the company it is magnificent it is.....

The Tanzanite Pencil Sharpener yes indeed you put your pencil in and it comes out with a tanzanite graphite point... Viewers you will be able to send that letter write that shopping list in pure tanzanite graphite... It is truly spectacular..

 

[Greg]

Ohhh...ahhh

Delicious!

Clearance Price!

Gold finish thumb tacks!

Real gold! Yes real gold!

Twatter! Arsebook! Mobile number!

You don't want to miss this!

Isn't it beautiful?! What every woman wants!

Chair! Bum! Ouch! Ouch!

Betty! Earrings! Tunbridge Wells!

Marina! Insert! Oooh! Errr!

:rock:

 

[Bexi]

Haha love it

 

[Paul_s]

A bag of hula hoops (I'll be James Russell for the day).


How are you?

What we have here is something rather special.

Before the dawn of time a collison occured beneath the earth that was so violent that it created what we now call a potato.

Cue picture of a tribesmen on the 62" plasma screen behind him eating potatos.

It was in 1973 when Hula Hoops were formed from potatos on the foothills of Mount Kilimanjaro.

When the discovery was made a lot of people had to be shot so that no one could find the secret ingredients.

The owners of the Hula Hoops factory have said that the supply of potatoes will run out in the next 10 - 20 years time.

I am GIA certified and have dealt with offloading $2m worth of Hula Hoops on the QE2 before Prince Philip threw me overboard for trying to offload a winegum as a Royal truffle.

Did I mention that this will run out in the next 10 - 20 years?

Look at how big it appears on the camera yet only just fits on my little finger.

My missus would love a little finger.

The quantity is going down, all the buyers are Hula Hoop dealers and they will sell these again on eBay for a tidy profit.

Hula Hoops are 10,000x rarer than Walkers crisps.

You'll be the only person within a 10KM radius to own a bag of Hula Hoops.

My director is telling me that we have 500 people on the phone (quantity goes down at a rate of 5 per minute)

There's a two minute clock on the screen.

Did i mention that the supply of potatos will run out in 10 - 20 years time?

 

[Price Plunge]

Handcrafted in Switzerland using the finest quality materials, it has a Swiss precision movement and an 18 carat gold tone finish, and comes in an elegant LIMITED edition collectors' box with certificate of authenticity.

Not only with the precision movement, gold finish and incredible detail; not only for the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, study or outhouse; not only in winter, summer, spring, autumn or afternoon; not only for those long hot days or cold winter nights; not only for the office or home. A limited edition investment piece with exquisite gold tone finish.

Just incredible.

It's so easy to buy. Just dial the number at the bottom of the screen and press 1 for Small, 2 for Medium, 3 for Large, 4 for Extra Large, 5 for XXL, 6 for XXL, 7 for XXXL, 8 for XXXXL and 9 for an ambulance.

Not only is it finished in 18 carat gold; not only is it the epitomy of elegance and luxurious style; not only for birthdays, weddings and funerals; not only for the jeans, T-shirt or pullover; not only the pub, dressing up or dressing down...

(Sirens)

That is just astonishing! I've never seen anything like this in all my years of working for Bid TV! (Assistant squeals)

Look at that! (Points suggestively)

Just exquisite!

This is a better buy to you at home...we wanted a LOT more than this!

JUST BUY!!!

LOOK AT THAT!

This is real, genuine AA (insert product name here) from the foothills of Mount Kilimanjaro; 10,000 times rarer than diamonds and supplies will be exhausted in 10 years' time.

This product is so rare it hasn't been featured in clearance before!

This is the LAST time you'll EVER see this!

Our Betty wanted one of these for her mantelpiece and ended up paying an absolute fortune!

I've just been told by the producer that you at home are about to see something truly astonishing...

We paid a LOT more for this!

Buying is easy; just pick up the phone and dial 291 2000 - it's that simple!

(Even more sirens)

It's a better buy to you at home...We wanted a LOT MORE for this!!!

Just buy!

LIMITED STOCK!!!

We've sold out in the Large and XL...

There's still time to buy! Pick up the phone and dial 091 291 2000, listen to the brief message and make your choice...

Stock warning in the Medium...

Great buying.

Just buy!!!

 

[Mommabear]

I want one :tongue: whatever it is :clapping:

 

[HoodedClaw]

My missus would love a little finger.

Erm... :thinking:


:smirk:

 

[HoodedClaw]

One word: herpes.

Good luck if you get it!

 

[Mommabear]

One word: herpes.

Good luck if you get it!

Bad luck if you do......but the cream's coming up next, which should help :hi:

 

[Price Plunge]

I want one :tongue: whatever it is :clapping:

Ha ha! Yes it was supposedly one very confused product they were trying to sell :wink:

If I can think of anything specific I'll have another go :smile: