One of my best friends is in a seemingly impossible situation and she really needs to talk, I'm supposed to be seeing her sometime this week and I almost don't know what to say to her - I guess I can just listen, but practical ideas - I can't think of any and I so wish I could.
This friend is in her early 40's and like many people of her age these days is caught up in the rental trap. When I first met her she was sharing a rented flat with her boyfriend. The relationship broke up because he decided he never wanted to have children and this caused a rift between them that couldn't be repaired. She was unable to afford the rent on the flat on a single wage, but fell on her feet when her uncle allowed her to move into her late grandmother's flat for an affordable cost until either she was in a position to afford to find something else or she could afford to maybe come to an arrangement to buy the property herself. Things started to look up for her, she found another boyfriend - The love of her life. She asked her uncle whether it would be ok if he moved into the flat with her because he was living at home with his mother obviously agreeing to pay more rent - This was agreed and life went swimmingly for a short while...until her uncle died very unexpectedly. The will he had made had left everything (including this flat) to his wife (a second wife who was no relation to my friend) To cut a long story short, this woman immediately gave my friend and her partner their marching orders. Thankfully both working they found another flat to rent between them but they struggled considerably financially. Eventually his mother stepped into help, she is wealthy and owns a fair deal of property, took pity upon them and agreed to let them move into one of her properties and pay minimal rent. The place is quite a few miles out of town meaning my friend would have to commute to work, but the saving on the rent meant this was viable. Things went well for a while as my friend excitedly bought fittings and furniture for the place and looked forward to the future.
To cut another long story short, her partner (who is in mid thirties) has decided that he doesn't want to have children and it's become a major issue, she hoped in time that he might come around to the idea, but it has now got to the stage where he has said that the idea of it makes him feel physically sick to the pit of the stomach (his exact words) and if she ever broaches the subject he literally flies of the handle. He has started to frequently remind her that it is HIS property and any decoration, piece of furniture, ornament etc will be HIS choice and has started being mentally cruel in other ways too. One by one she has had to watch her close friends and siblings settle down and start families and whilst she tries to feel and show that she's happy for them, each one comes as a huge "body blow" to her - especially now her kid brother has announced he's about to become a father.
I don't know what to say to her, she's so lovely and would make a great mum and homemaker, but she says she feels trapped - Her own family all live miles away and can't afford to help her out in any way, she can't afford to move out on her low wage and is stuck living in this little backwater where she hardly knows anybody. I know there are worse problems in life, but still - I wish I could give her some positive advice, but I'm stumped!
This friend is in her early 40's and like many people of her age these days is caught up in the rental trap. When I first met her she was sharing a rented flat with her boyfriend. The relationship broke up because he decided he never wanted to have children and this caused a rift between them that couldn't be repaired. She was unable to afford the rent on the flat on a single wage, but fell on her feet when her uncle allowed her to move into her late grandmother's flat for an affordable cost until either she was in a position to afford to find something else or she could afford to maybe come to an arrangement to buy the property herself. Things started to look up for her, she found another boyfriend - The love of her life. She asked her uncle whether it would be ok if he moved into the flat with her because he was living at home with his mother obviously agreeing to pay more rent - This was agreed and life went swimmingly for a short while...until her uncle died very unexpectedly. The will he had made had left everything (including this flat) to his wife (a second wife who was no relation to my friend) To cut a long story short, this woman immediately gave my friend and her partner their marching orders. Thankfully both working they found another flat to rent between them but they struggled considerably financially. Eventually his mother stepped into help, she is wealthy and owns a fair deal of property, took pity upon them and agreed to let them move into one of her properties and pay minimal rent. The place is quite a few miles out of town meaning my friend would have to commute to work, but the saving on the rent meant this was viable. Things went well for a while as my friend excitedly bought fittings and furniture for the place and looked forward to the future.
To cut another long story short, her partner (who is in mid thirties) has decided that he doesn't want to have children and it's become a major issue, she hoped in time that he might come around to the idea, but it has now got to the stage where he has said that the idea of it makes him feel physically sick to the pit of the stomach (his exact words) and if she ever broaches the subject he literally flies of the handle. He has started to frequently remind her that it is HIS property and any decoration, piece of furniture, ornament etc will be HIS choice and has started being mentally cruel in other ways too. One by one she has had to watch her close friends and siblings settle down and start families and whilst she tries to feel and show that she's happy for them, each one comes as a huge "body blow" to her - especially now her kid brother has announced he's about to become a father.
I don't know what to say to her, she's so lovely and would make a great mum and homemaker, but she says she feels trapped - Her own family all live miles away and can't afford to help her out in any way, she can't afford to move out on her low wage and is stuck living in this little backwater where she hardly knows anybody. I know there are worse problems in life, but still - I wish I could give her some positive advice, but I'm stumped!