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He lives in another world, Pedro lives in a damp hovel. The increase in the energy price cap must be a real blow to Dirty Peter with his old central heating. Whereas, I imagine Of-the-Masons being down his local boasting about a super-dooper heater he wired up for him and the goddess. "Yes...

I saw Wing Commander Knowles with Dirty Peter today - he did seem to be trying to reign in the wilder claims. It was a mattress topper and he said something like "people will say you were selling a memory foam or other topper the other week, now promoting this one." He then made some reasonable...

Muriel's in for a steamer pan set :rolleyes:

Dirty Peter clearly believes cold weather is great for sales. While trying to sell the mattress topper, Wing Commander Knowles was going on about it being dual layer and ethically sourced feathers. All Pedro wanted to say was "cold....it's so cold.....it's getting colder. My house in the north...

It's heart-breaking - like millions, he has such a cold house. The central heating is antiquated and not adequate. Maybe the forum should have a whip round to buy him some sherpa blankets and a few ceramic heaters. He cares so much about the buyers but nobody is helping him :rolleyes:

Pedro couldn't get to sleep in his freezing hovel - had to get up to get a hot water bottle. Poor old fella.

Here we go again - Collagen! Pedro's knees, winning five gold medals, getting rid of lines and wrinkles, a hero product, stop going bald, stock up, buy two months' supply........or more if you can AND.......cold weather can deplete collagen :rolleyes:

Muriel in for a sonic toothbrush. Much sniggering from Dirty Pedro - messages in his ear from the gallery and comments about the size of Mu's husband's mouth

Jannis Morgun waiting "for the phone lines to explode" because he's flogging a box with three shoe-shaped perfumes for £14.99. Oh yes, they're 'inspired by Carolina Herrera Good Girl" - not sure if that's a direct or indirect comparison. It's not too strong to give you a headache. I bet it's...

We all know that if Dirty Peter was given the chance to be appear on "I'm a Celebrity" as the Kangaroo testicle taster - he'd be off like a shot. The dream of a real audience would finally become reality again. "Not only are they meaty, not only are they gristly, they're spherical, they're...

This vacuum, he keeps saying, uses the power of the national grid. Yes, just like my kettle, television, toaster, the blender, the light bulbs..........Pedro's vibration plate, multiple air fryers, grills, treadmill, emu balm spreader......

They never miss a chance to scaremonger. Peter van Volauvent trying to flog the Homesmart vacuum they can't shift. "Not only can you use the extension to get spiders webs, but also to get spiders' NESTS"

Of-the-Masons with the usual nonsense about Brave Soul clothes - he spent more and got the same quality, almost. But look at the details - what role is he playing? Brass Neck? Del Boy? Arfur Daley, The Prince of the Wide Boys?

Well, well, well.......Emu Balm changed Mike-of-the-Masons life! Does it remove a persistent conscience? No answer to that but it's great for gout! :oops: And massage it outside the mouth for toothache - oh, come on! :rolleyes:

Hopefully they throw in the waterproof mattress protector that Wing Commander Knowles keeps appearing with and suggesting it acts as a barrier against all manner of bodily fluids! :sick:

Being a leading ornithologist - one of his previous jobs - I'm sure Of-the-Masons will tell us the similarities between the Turkey, that most festive of birds, and an Emu.

It's very sad if people put into a state of alarm then think the answer is buying the awful products sold by IW. Like Dirty Pedro, I live in a draughty hovel but I know what no amount of ceramic heaters, sherpa blankets and corded/cordless vacuums will do anything but waste money.

Of-the-Masons talking to Wing Commander Knowles about weeing in a bucket. And then asks if you have "a bed-wetter in the family" Where's Dirty Pedro when you need a confession. Among his many ailments must be incontinence - one of the few things Emu Balm doesn't claim to cure

Wing Commander Knowles "bedding expert" demonstrating a waterproof mattress protector with a big bowl of water!! How big does he think the viewer's bladders are :ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO: This is a product made for Dirty Pedro and his hovel. Just a danger he might want to refer to his winkle.

He's obsessed with putting stuff in a "downstairs loo". What goes on in his upstairs bog?