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Hi everyone - as I said in my previous post, I have not been on here for a year but have been reading avidly and laughing lots. I must confess that in the past (13 years) I have bought almost every single skincare TSV. Tot that up - could have had several exotic hols, house extensions blah...

Bet your's wasn't riddled with horrid typos though Sazza. Think we're going to be in for a right old day. Almost feel glad that I've slipped a disc and can lie on my back just watching the embarrassing car crash about to unravel. Hee. I am sure she has just applied the dreaded boot black...

Hi, everyone. I haven't posted for over a year but have been lurking, laughing and enjoying. I just has to say something about AY's 16th birthday. I really was expecting a fanfare and tributes agogo from the off - but did laugh at the TSV for veruccas. Anyway, my point is: that nice lady from...

I suppose it is too much to ask that they include a foundation for the palest of skins. I need 2 coats of fake tan to wear fairly light. It gets on my pip.We live in Britain for god's sake - many of us are deathly pale.

I cannot bear Michelle Hopeless. Whoever buys her stuff should be shot - they are responsible for funding a lifestyle of ropey hair extensions and face lifts. She reminds me of one of the heroines in a Martina Cole novel. A former doxy made good. Her 'posh' yet 'softly spoken' voice is affected...

Would like to say I laughed but would do BurlZ a disservice. Am still crying.

There goes the Farrow and ****** Ball. Am crying with laughter and me walls look like Jackson Pollocks. Where's me inhaler?

That's why I finally plucked up the courage to post - after stalking forever. BurlZ is beyond hysterical. I know this to be true 'cos my recently painted living room has splutter marks of tea and red wine.

Absolutely. I remember Courtney Cox saying you choose between your body and face when you hit the big 40. In the US I think they rely on body - different culture.

Sorry meant Lillurk...

Hi Madmax - I'm new too - after stalking and laughing for too long. I'll give you the tip that was given to me- join the drop.I don't get on here much but when I do I can't get off. The forum are a great great group.Enjoy.

****** 'ell. It's Easter. Let's crack open the wine too. Just to make it extra bad.

I confess now - instead of zipping to garden centres, having pub lunches, gardening or laughing with gerreat friends - I am stuck on STF looking at back-logged threads and laughing loudly. This is not good. I can't help it. No control. Need counselling. Have QVC on in background! Is ******...

Richard does advise the terracotta plastic temptations as the ideal place for herbs. You'd need to be growing and smoking your own 'erb to entertain the shockers.

How unkind of your OH. Dawbags is looking a treat. Probs wearing Slim and Lift over the shoulder boulder holder with convenient wee wee slit.

What with Lottie's pics and BurlZ wry comments I am beside myself. Too much for a bank holiday. Then Debbie G is in the lady garden trimming her bush? Has my daughter put m-cat in me coffee? Can't cope- am off to apply PCMC to my pacific areas of concern as I am really lovin' it.

Well Madmax I have to say my father in law will be passing out at the quality and class of today's TSV par excellence. They will look at treat on his gracious patio. He can sit and admire the recently tarmacced 100ft of garden - landscaped by some dubious travelling types. Will be a small oasis...

If Simon and Alison are so wagtastically minted how come she dresses so badly? She looks a ****** fright most of the time. Last week she was wearing a hideously cheapo pastel pink ensemble. She did kindly tell us that the calamatous combo was 10 years old but she had made it 'on trend' with a...

That Jennifer needs to get her hand caught in the 'Sunshine Variety Coach' tin. Robber.

Oh to be married to the Earl of Mornington and such a make up maven . She really puts the bottom into 'top international make-up artist'. I wouldn't buy a dish cloth from a women who has cheap looking 'cap' highlights and really bad tea bag-stained eyes. One range for Boots and the other for...