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"Neasden wiv all da birdies in the treesden"

Well done Duke and Output for reporting to the ASA. This channel is becoming an oasis (or should I say mirage) of fantastically ludicrous claims and comparisons. As a viewer I'm fed up with being taken for a sucker by these utter charlatans. Why is nothing ever done to curtail them? But...

I'd like Natalia to prove how how the iBrow device will (not can), on its own, make you look 10 years younger. Which is exactly what she claimed this morning. In some ways Ms Slime is the worst purveyor of BS and hype on IW because her shtick depends on selling very expensive toys to...

And the Thomas Earnshaw light up walking cane and the Mann Egerton 3.0 litre v6 air fryer and the Swan & Edgar nose trimmer and the Mullican & O'Hair dryer and lots more must-have pick-of-the-week bargains from the big brands you love and admire so much with such valued and historic legacies.

I have to say another of Harry Enfield's characters, Stavros, reminds me of a IW presenter. Hi everybody peeps, Yiannis here and I gort lorts of luvverly bargins for ya tonight innit? you doner 'av to pay all at once cos we 'av the flexis see? we 'av some bootful buckles for ya belts, very...

This is a mythical Mike moment. Like when someone overhears him singing and asks: "Wow! Did you used to be a professional? You are note perfect." Or a woman remarks "Cor! Mike you smell divine what fragrance is that you are wearing?" And he says "It's William Hunt actually." And she replies...

He's a mumbling fumbling moron.

Watching Natalia this morning it occurs to me she is now beyond shiny and is moving into the slimy stage. Where will it end?

How did the Kevski-Yiannis summit go? How many of the 8 limited edition Vostoks actually sold by the end? I tuned out after watching Yiannis fail the intelligence test of changing the spring lock watch straps which a 2 year old could do in a few seconds. Kevski found this amusing. Desperate...

Little bit of Blackpool Rock and Little Ukulele in me hand were both songs by the gormless wartime northern comic George Formby who specialised in suggestive ditties. Thus suitable for Peter Simon.

Revenge of the Shiny Women with Natalia and Pal. They have a serum to make your eyebrows grown to Dennis Healey proportions. Fabulous.

Yeah he'll be happy with his little bit of Blackpool rock. And with his little ukulele in his hand. You Bet.

Joanne is flogging what she calls my "walk all day" shoes to go with her "talk all day" mouth. I think she's a Boer (and a bore).

And it's only £17/19s/6d. And it runs on North Sea gas...

I've heard the Rumbelows fan is very good...

Every day in every way it's getting better and better. - F. Spencer c1973.

There was an old shyster called Peter Who thought he could make his deals sweeter With false price and flexi He compares indirectly But we all know that he's just a cheater

Listen, I'm here to tell you (again) that our man Mark runs one of the finest eating establishments in the East of England. A fast food van in a lay-by off the A11 twixt Thetford and Norwich. He does a flambéd hamburger (charcoaled on the outside, rare on the inside) and soggy chips par...

Doing sumfink is better than doing nuffink. So says Mike O'the Masons. Not only a fashion leader and health guru, not only a musical genius, not only a food connoisseur, not only a man of the people, not only an honest salesman and purveyor of the truth but also a veritable philosopher of...

Shiny shiny Natalia is flogging what looks like a shower head which you rub around your mustache area to do what? Make it grow quicker? Im sure the ladies will appreciate that. Reduced from £3559.99 to £349.99. Is anyone daft or deluded enough to buy these garbage devices?