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It usually is every night (and day.) Dracula's Harem (shiny bonce & co), Mouthy Shoutathon (Sally or Lindsay), End of pier slapstick (Pete the Cheat), Marketplace Chicanery (Mike of the Masons), Mumbling Grumbling (Jeremy), Boring (Yiannis, Joanna), Bossy (Genevieve) and Peter V sprinkling his...

With apologies to Middle of the Road: Chirpy Chappy Cheap Cheap Where's Mike Mason gone? repeat x 3 Far far away Last night I heard Mike Mason singing a song ohhh wee chirpy chappy cheap cheap Woke up this morning and I found he was on Ooh wee chirpy chappy cheap cheap Chirpy chappy cheap...

So Mason has been away being recharged at the funny farm and he is now more insufferable than ever. Singing his stupid songs doing his daft dance moves. Talks of "his" phone lines and "his" website. Everything is flying aht, flying aht. He is an utter ****.

I tend to pop over to IW during the advertising break on the other channels to check what nonsense Pete the Cheat is spouting now. It is mildly more amusing than the usual ads. I am watching the wonderful Sharp so I'm switching between hero and pantomime villain.

Did he add the standard IW caveat "will help/might help"? but probably won't...

Who knows but I'd worry a bit if I'd ordered one of those "amazing" £499 watches. I'd also worry if IW were a sinking ship and Pete the Cheat was in charge of the lifeboats and I'd certainly not buy a "clearance" lifebelt from him.

With apologies to Gracie Fields: Sallah Sallah Don't ever wander Away from this channel And me Sallah Sallah Pride of shopping telly You're more than Ideal World to me

Oh no! Our dear Sallah has been trolled by a woman who doubts that she ever buys any IW clothing. Not so she says going through a list of IW "fashions" she has indeed purchased including the gigantic red leggings she's wearing today. Well done Our Sallah that told 'em.

She has a big pot which she mixes them all in to produce an elixir which she then rubs on herself and, just to be sure, drinks a mug of everyday. Certainly keeps her foghorn voice in good order, not sure about the rest of her.

I think it was me and what I meant is that scammers generally take your money in return for nothing at all after posing as something they are not. IW don't disguise the fact they are a shopping channel and they do actually supply the goods they advertise. However, I wholeheartedly agree that...

Pete the Cheat in his best bogus mode wittering on about the science of sleep. "Sleep is not a luxury but a necessity". Master of the bleedin' obvious.

TPTV is a brilliant channel especially Footage Detectives and old documentaries and movies. A much more rewarding watch than IW.

I must admit I am starting think this is Groundhog Day or Deja Vu all over again. A lot of IW is frankly unwatchable and even the dreadfully outdated old school Pete the Cheat and Mike of the Masons are straining credibility and patience to breaking point. Maybe it is time to move on even...

I know what you mean, it's the same for a lot (most?) of us. We pop back to check if things are the same and they always are. Cheap tat or overpriced items (those £100 squashy pump up chairs) exaggerated claims, rambling, shambling presentations it's the Selly Telly version of Acon Antiques...

Gosh that's amazing!!! Never heard him complete the phrase before.

That £9.99 BBQ looks flimsy don't think I'd trust it on a balcony as Pete the Cheat suggests as it could tip over in a light breeze and then it would be Chef Flambé time.

Nah, wouldn't be Willy Hunt cos he's not in Saville Row any longer!

And whenever he utters "not only..." there's never a "but also..." Incredibly irritating and illiterate.

Blow-up wobbly armchairs a snip at £99.99 each. They remind me of MFI sofas which just had foam interior and would collapse under any weight at all. Absolutely no support whatsoever. This product is surely a joke. Buy two says Peter, well we'd expect such BS from him but I thought Alex was...

The woman from Opatra who is Natalia's guest looks like an AI invention, highly tanned and glazed with a nose like a ski slope and a mouth like a cave. They look like dracula's sisters.