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  1. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    A Man Called Mason Tonight's Episode: The Sound Meister. If there's one fing Mike knows it's Sound. He has superb ears. He spent £400+ on a pair of Bluetooth headphones and whilst the ones being offered ain't as good as his - of course they ain't how could they be? - these are very very good...
  2. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    Joanna and Yiannis - the dream team. Presenting rather garish cheapo polo shirts on which Ms Transvaal is an expert and Mr Mytwoboys is the model / dummy. Yawn......
  3. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    Fair enough it's a favourite of his - and yours - and that's fine but why does he think he can inflict his tastes on everybody else? And he obviously thinks he's a great singer and dancer which he is not so he's not doing the music justice either. Not that we can hear any ruddy music which...
  4. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    Captain Vantastic and the Dirty Pete Cowboy.
  5. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    It's a little bit funny This feeling inside When Peter Simon comes on I want to hide
  6. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    Reminds of a line from an Elton John song: If I were a sculptor But then again no Or a man selling potions in an Ideal World show with apologies to Bernie Taupin.
  7. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    You're right, the diversity of goods sold (or offered) on IW3 is indeed baffling. They start and often end the day with very expensive items; the Opatra wonder devices and then Christophe Duchamp watches. In between it is mostly cheap and nasty tat. It is like having a luxury section in...
  8. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    A Man Called Mason He's rough, he's tough His beard is thick enough Women love the way he smells Men admire the manly way he yells He goes on and on for hours on end And sells batteries in packs of ten He was once a humble electrician But now he is a sales magician Revered throughout telly...
  9. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    You know we humble IW viewers are soooo fortunate to have A Man Like Mason on our side. He has battled with his bosses to reduce the price of a £300 fan, which he could and should sell at a premium price, to a remarkable £44.99. All to help us in our roasting hour of need in this massive...
  10. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    She has her ears in her cheeks and her brains in her butt.
  11. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    Following the charismatic delights of Lindsey and Chef Flambé combining to sell a Pyrex dish (yawn) we have Lindsey and Velma doing beauty stuff (yawn again). Meanwhile Chef Flambé Mark Nervous-Wreck has gone off to burn everyone's lunch. Yummy!
  12. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    Oh dear, it's the slime queen Natalia, looking scraggy around the neck, with Velma of scooby doo again. What a way to start the day...
  13. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    I must say they are very fetching as he walks miles on the treadmill but gets nowhere. They are what you might call "home hiking" trousers as you wouldn't want to be seen out in them. He is taking us through his hip/knee/weight saga yet again although I could have sworn he fixed all his...
  14. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    Peter Vandenplas. Sticky tape specialist. Surely he has reached his zenith as an expert with this? Could there be any product less in need of a secondary presenter?
  15. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    Being boring might be acceptable if, as many on here had hoped, Yiannis would become the decent, voice of truth presenter we were waiting for. Yet he manages to be both dull and dishonest which is quite a feat. He lacks Peter Simon's off the wall (and off his rocker) wacky style and Mike...
  16. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    The sales technique Jezza was using on the late night shift was truly pathetic. Buy your man a Chrisophe Duchamp and he'll love you forever. Just imagine he arrives home and you hand him this wonderful blue (cardboard) box which he opens to find... a Rolex knock off watch. "Oh you shouldn't...
  17. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    They are ruddy hideous, the dial is far too busy and the hands barely readable and they just look cheap. Mason wouldn't be seen wearing one unless he was being paid to. Not even in the Mason's Arms public house.
  18. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    And claiming W. Hunt still trades from Saville Row. Lies, lies and more lies.
  19. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    Very true. The Hollywood star David Niven in his wonderful autobiographies always expected a little man to tap him on the shoulder one day and say "you've been found out". Maybe there is an insecurity about Mason which forces him into extrovert mode. After all attack is the best form of...
  20. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    I am finding Mason increasingly irritating and insufferable. The jack-the-lad I-can-flog-anyfink spiel with his cheapo fragrances masquerading as top brands but they are good enough for the gang attitude. Then we have to endure the I-got-the-music in me sessions accompanied by his at the...
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